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Monday, June 12, 2017

Revised Lamentations of the Flame Princess Magic-User Spell Names

Does anyone else think that the standard D&D spell names kind of suck for weird horror fantasy games like Lamentations of the Flame Princess? Sure, we all are familiar with those spell names, but I think I want them to have horrible names, and I'd also like to revise them with more disgusting spell descriptions...  For now, here are the first four levels of magic-user spell names twisted to my own liking.  I'm not happy with all of them, but this is what I came up with today. 

First Level Magic-User Spells

1. Bookspeak --> Screaming Libris
2. Charm Person --> Devouring the Walls of Self
3. Comprehend Languages --> Guttural Ear Worms
4. Detect Magic --> Caress of Chaos' Tendrils
5. Enlarge --> Torn Flesh / Expanded Bone
6. Faerie Fire --> Undulating Corpusant Skin
7. Feather Fall --> Coagulated Wings
8. Floating Disk --> Emaciated Floating Corpse
9. Hold Portal --> Stubborn Hands from Below
10. Identify --> Drink Knowledge from the Damned
11. Light --> Breath of a Slain God
12. Magic Aura --> Directed Hallucination
13. Magic Missile --> Arcane Vivisection
14. Mending --> Bind with Flesh/Hair
15. Message --> Voices of the Mind
*Read Magic --> Promulgate the Orderly Mind
16. Shield --> Spirit Scapegoat
17. Sleep --> Shatter Conscious Thought
18. Spider Climb --> Arachnid Sacrifice
19. Summon --> Break the Seals of Order
20. Unseen Servant --> Restless Spirit Slave

Second Level Spells

1. Audible Glamour --> Chorus of Muttering Winds
2. Change Self --> Defile Thy Mortal Prison
3. Detect Invisible --> Eyes on Two Planes
4. ESP --> Pierce the Boundaries of Perception
5. Force of Forbidment --> (I actually like this name a lot, No Change)
6. Forget --> Rend the Wet Skull
7. Invisibility --> Hidden by the Slain Face (or maybe Blood Shall Hide Thee)
8. Knock --> Throw Wide the Constraints of Passage (yeah...)
9. Levitate --> Risen by Burning Souls
10. Light, Continued --> Last Breath of a Forgotten Diety
11. Locate Object --> Reveal the Obscured or Die Eternally
12. Magic Mouth --> Cacophonous Exposed Intestines
13. Mirror Image --> Siblings of the Shallow Well
14. Phantasmal Force --> (This is another great one...) Abyssal Shade
15. Ray of Enfeeblement --> Caress of the Sludge Daemon
16. Speak with Animals --> Bite the Beast's Tongue
17. Stinking Cloud --> Breath of the Putrid Muse
18. Wall of Fog --> Call the Suicidal Souls
19. Web --> Viscous Projectile Slime
20. Wizard Lock --> Bindings of the Black Hand

Third Level Spells

1. Army of One --> Light Thy Hatred with Rage
2. Clairvoyance --> By this Severed Heart...
3. Detect Illusion --> Slaughter the Lies of Sight
4. Dispel Magic --> Ingest the Traces of Chaos
5. Explosive Runes --> Combustion of the Written Name
6. False Alignment --> Destroy the Scales of Order
7. Fly --> Dying Insectoid Swarm
8. Gaseous Form --> Putrescent Effluvium
9. Gust of Wind --> Enslave the Fallen Drifting Ones
10. Haste --> Burn Thy Life at Both Ends
11. Hold Person --> Break Those Bones Whose Sinews Gave It Motion (Meshuggah tune)
12. Howl of the Moon --> (Also a great spell title) Savage Blood-thirsty Lunacy
13. Invisibility 10' Radius --> Lurking Beneath Innocent Blood
14. Phantasmal Psychedelia --> (Yeah, I'm not going to do better than that one, No Change).
15. Protection from Normal Missiles --> Defense of Discarded Memories
16. Secret Page --> Bloody Veiled Thoughts
17. Speak with the Dead --> I Speak with Thy Swallowed Tongue
18. Strange Waters II --> Pool of Writhing Chum
19. Suggestion --> Furrow in the Mind
20. Water Breathing --> Gills of the Slumbering Daemon

Fourth Level Spells

1. Charm Monster --> Slip Inside Its Moist Skin
2. Confusion --> Slithering Perturbation
3. Creation, Minor --> Steal Matter from the Void
4. Dig --> Restless Spirit Labor
5. Dimension Door --> Step Between Worlds
6. Extension --> Break Time's Filaments
7. Globe of Invulnerability, Minor --> Encasing Womb of the Maternal Heritage
8. Hallucinatory Terrain --> Implant the Turgid Eyes
9. Invisibility, Improved --> Bathe in the Cold Hateful Blood
10. Mnemonic Enhancer --> (Another one I can't improve upon)
11. Plant Growth --> Feed Their Roots with Rancid Flesh
12. Polymorph Others --> Control the Boundaries of Skin
13. Polymorph Self --> Ascend to the True Form of Self
14. Protection from Normal Weapons --> Steel Becomes as Water
15. Seven Gates --> Trail of Bursting Emerging Eyes
16. Shadow Monsters --> From the Eternal Shadows of Death
17. Speak with Plants --> Breath Like Pollen
18. Wall of Fire --> Unearth the Fiery Death of Reason
19. Wall of Ice --> Emit the Frigid Sigh of the Dead
20. Wizard's Eye --> Pluck and Cast Thy Eye Forth

The renamed higher level spells can be found here (note to self don't forget to put a title on your next Blogger post, hehe):

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